In my husband’s Wednesday evening sermon, he made a statement in passing that I needed. It wasn’t the actual topic of his message, but it really hit home with me.
The statement he made was “We need to forget the past. We need to close the door to the past and lock it, and never open it again.” That is so true! Many of our problems could be resolved if we could close the door of the past and lock it!
My husband and I had some very bumpy first years of marriage. We were both young and dumb(we’d never been married before! :0) Thankfully, I’ve forgotten most of the details. They weren’t big issues, but I remember making them big issues! I could keep re-living it, but what good would that do? People have offended me over the years. If I don’t close the door to those memories and lock it, I will never be able to completely forgive and move forward. I have been hurt -stabbed in the back- by some people, but it’s time to forget it! Our family suffered a terrible wound two years ago. It has been the most painful thing that has happened to me. I need to forgive and even be thankful for it.
I realize that I cannot forgive someone who doesn’t ask for it, but I can have the forgiveness in my heart, ready to go, should they come to receive it. If they never come, well, the forgiveness will still be there.
I am doing my best to work through the past hurts. As Satan brings them to mind, I am placing them in the “room” and I’m closing the door and locking it. If I don’t, then bitterness will take a firm hold in the soil of my heart. If that happens, I will be in terrible trouble spiritually.
I am the kind of person who DOES NOT need to be reminded that my children are growing up quickly. I DO NOT need to be told that I will miss these days. I am thoroughly enjoying my small children. Every time I have a fleeting thought that “I wish they would grow up!” The Lord reminds me that they are and fast! I have to stop myself from grieving over the fact that I have one child raised halfway to adulthood! I cried on my sweet Lauren’s ninth birthday! The realization that she was halfway to eighteen hit me hard. I sometimes browse through old photos and weep over the fact that my older children’s baby days are past. Yet, I did my best as a mother then, and I’m trying to continue doing my best today. I am a stay at home Mom. I was there for their first step, their first words, their smiles, their fevers, and yes, their first tantrums! I’ve been there for it all. Why do I look back and grieve? I think I know why. I believe it is because if I’m trapped in the past, I am helpless for the present. I can’t enjoy today if I am re-living 2001! I must place those happy memories in the “room” and close the door. I don’t need to lock this door, but I need to keep it shut. (I’m speaking for my own personality here. I’m the kind of person that can’t reminisce too long or I get very sad!)
On my eleventh anniversary a few weeks ago, my husband and I had the privilege of having some friends from Illinois over to our home. The man is my husband’s best friend from childhood. He was a groomsman in our wedding. We watched the wedding video and I spent the evening on the brink of tears! It had been eleven years, but it felt like eleven lifetimes! My Dad was in the video, looking a little downhearted to see his youngest leave the nest, but still cutting up and laughing! He is Heaven now. Terry’s Grandfather and one Grandmother were decked out in their finest clothing for our wedding, and they, too, are in Heaven. His cousin was walking in the video, but he is now in a wheelchair. My photographer was walking and working in the video, but four years after that, he committed suicide! So many things have changed! Oh yes, it was a wonderful day in my life, but you see, I get sad thinking about how things have changed. I must be careful. I must look forward to what the Lord has in store for me today, for He has only the best planned for me.
I feel that I’m in a spiritual construction zone right now! He’s got out His equipment and He’s working to improve my infrastructure! I am looking forward to seeing the progress. Thank you for letting me journal my thoughts here. I believe it helps me to see His work more clearly if I write it down. I apologize for boring you with it all! But, you know I try to keep it real here.
How about you? Is the Lord wanting to do some renovating or remodeling on you this year? As long as we’re breathing, there are improvements that can be made in all of us.