books · depression · motherhood · reviews

My Hurting Heart

Recently, I have found myself in the midst of stress – and lots of it. We’ve had some vandalism to our personal property, my children have been physically harmed by neighborhood bullies, we have had a midnight visitor show up twice seeking money, as well as some other personal issues with which we are dealing. None of this is too great for the Lord to handle, and I spend time with Him daily. Yet, even so, I have been suffering from extreme worry, constant tears, and dark thoughts.

Having fought a fierce battle against PPD after giving birth to my first child, I’ve been on the lookout for the symptoms in every subsequent pregnancy. Because my emotions have seemed so extreme lately, I mentioned it to my OB, even though I have not yet given birth (so it couldn’t be postpartum depression!). My doctor is a Christian – for which I thank God – and was very concerned about my symptoms. He isn’t a pill-pusher, but at the same time, he believes that in some cases, medication is necessary. As of this writing, I’m not needing medication. And, I’m praying that the Lord will send complete healing without it at all!

I am so blessed to have a wonderful Mother and sister on whom I can call and confide in. They do not judge me or criticize me, but they do listen and pray for me. They offer a perspective that I often do not have. This week, while telling my sister about my doctor’s appointment, she told me about a Bible study that she used that had a been a blessing to her which discussed some of my very emotions. In fact, she sent a copy to me about six months ago! I had just noticed it on my bookshelf a few days ago and thought, “Oh, I need to do that Bible study!” But, when she sent it, I was in the middle of another study, and then I had forgotten about it. I believe it was God’s perfect timing though, that I didn’t do it sooner. I didn’t need it as much six months ago as I do now. I have started this study, and while I’ve only completed chapter one, I feel encouraged already. I was doubly encouraged when my Mom told me she was mailing me a sermon on CD that she thought would really help me. I can’t wait to get it!

I am so grateful to the Lord for sending me help through His Holy Word. I am also grateful for a loving sister and Mom who care about me in tangible ways. They are a precious gift from the Lord. My doctor told me yesterday that the Great Physician can heal any disease of mind or body, but sometimes He chooses to use “lesser doctors” also. My doctor is another gift from above.

I praise my heavenly Father for loving someone like me! How amazing that the God of the universe and Saviour of the world cares about my little hurting heart.

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