I haven’t posted in several days. I’ve been…[sigh]…just thinking, I guess. I try to keep things real here on the blog, but at the same time, it’s difficult to share my heart only to be rebuffed in the comments section by those who are “holier than thou”. Rather than face the criticism disguised as encouragement, I’ve just been silent. And sometimes, that is the best thing. God’s Word tells us that “in a multitude of words, there wanteth not sin.” (Proverbs 10:19) And, it’s a good thing that I kept silent. As I’ve meditated on things, prayed, studied and meditated some more, I’ve found the encouragement I needed. Have I “arrived”? No. Am I still struggling? A bit. Yes. But is there hope? Most definitely.

The last several days I’ve been considering the role of the pastor’s wife, since I am one and all. I’m sure there are a multitude of pastor’s wives out there that have been at it longer, who are more talented, smarter, and perhaps even a few who resemble Mary Poppins – “Practically perfect in every way.” I am not that kind of woman. I’ve heard people say, “I’m just weary in well doing.” But, I think I’m just weary in doing…I don’t know if I’m actually doing “well” or not. I feel it would be prideful to say I’m doing well. Only God can bless these feeble hands, this lisping tongue and this addled mind to make something wonderful come from any of my efforts.

During this time that I’ve felt down and out, used up and put up, I remembered what Bro. Bobby Roberson told my husband and me in a conversation over a year ago. He said that young pastor’s wives often talk to his wife when they’re feeling upset and discouraged by the ministry. Her advice? “Go home and make your children some lunch.” Her point? Only be concerned over that which you have the power to change. I cannot pastor the church, nor should I want to. I cannot carry everyone’s burden around on my back; I must leave those burdens at the feet of Jesus in prayer and move on, doing what I can, where I am.

So, I’m working on this. When Satan comes to me and says “You two are doing a horrible job leading and helping God’s people. Why don’t you tell your husband to go out and get a real job, where at least one person might like him?” First of all, I know at least one person out there likes him, so that’s a lie from the Devil. Then I pray, “Lord, it’s not within our power to change hearts or minds. Please help my husband as he carries this tremendous load.” Then, I think about reading to my children.I get a book and I read to them. I move on. I get busy.

I read a while back that “Comparison is the death of contentment.” I’m learning more each day how true that statement is! I’m usually only sad or unhappy when I’m looking over the fence at someone else’s lush lawn. (Which has weeds of its own, were I to examine it closely.) However, when I focus on my life, and my many blessings, I can’t help but feel unworthy and very contented.

The keys for me seem to be thus:
1. Stay busy.
2. Don’t compare.

Of course, Bible reading, prayer and church attendance go without saying. But when I can’t read the Bible or attend church, (I can always pray) I use these other tools during the day when my mind can easily wonder to discouraging thoughts.

If I can faithfully do these two little things, I can keep going, even when I’m weary. I can go for as long as the Lord leaves me here if I will stay busy and not compare. 

As I read back over what I’ve just written, it seems so easy. But it’s a daily struggle, to keep doing these two little things.

With love,

11 thoughts on “Two Little Things

  1. Valerie, Thank you for writing this article. I too am struggling with being weary and I have to admit that i have though about what it might be like if my husband was no longer a pastor but just got a job and we became good church members. We have had many battles here in this church and are in the middle of one right now. Our deacons are trying to take over and run the church and the pastor. You are right it is a daily battle but for me it is a minute to minute battle. To walk into a service and watch the people who are against your husband whisper and not pay any attention to the service. it is very discouraging. Any way I will keep ya'll in our prayers and ask that you might do the same. God bless you. Starla


  2. Terri Highfill says:


    I found your blog through a FB friend. I enjoy reading your posts. My husband pastored a small church for 4 yrs. We home school and have used a lot of ACE.

    Thanks for sharing your heart and your lessons in life. May God bless you in the days ahead!!


  3. Valerie, I so needed to read this. I am not a pastor's wife but I am in a situation in which I have no control over. Thanks for being a blessing to me.


  4. Valerie says:

    Starla, thank you so much for your kind words. I had no idea that you were facing such difficulties (as the nature of the ministry often calls for discretion), and I will be praying for you and Bro. Dave. I can't thank you enough for your prayers!

    Terri, (what a great name! :] ) thank you so very much for your kind words! You have no idea how much they mean to me.

    Wendy, It's so good to hear from you! I'll be praying for you. Give my sis a hug from me, okay? 🙂

    Thanks to all of you for your gentle words. ♥


  5. Susan says:

    That part about just taking care of what I have control over really was timely for me. My husband faces things that I want to fix, but I can't. They aren't even my problems to fix. It's hard to put them out of my mind, though!


  6. Valerie says:

    Susan, I completely understand that! Praying for you all!


  7. Laurie says:

    I thought you had wrote a blog post about my life. I have heard the saying many times that idle hands are the devils workshop. I believe that to be true. Thank you for your post. I needed encouraging.


  8. Becky Langford says:

    Thanks for the post. I've been struggling with “woe is me” syndrome over the past few weeks over something against my husband. I can't fix it and it frustrates me. I keep thinking “if only he'd let me fight this battle for him I'd take care of it in no time”. This has been a reminder that it's not mine to fight. It's not his either, it's the Lord's. Thank you so much “Miss Valerie” for speaking your heart and being so simply real! God has given you a beautiful talent to write and it's so appreciated!!!


  9. eatinggoldfish says:

    Valerie, Thank you so much for keeping it real here for all of us. You are a braver woman to share your heart and even open yourself up for criticism in order to touch the lives of others. This is a powerful post and I'm so thankful you shared it! You are a hero to me and I admire you, not only as a blogger but as a woman whose price is far above rubies. Keep it up! The devil is fighting so hard to defeat our families, churches and person lives and unfortunatly other “chirtians” allow the devil to use them as tools to accomplish this! I'm praying for you!
    Love ya!
    Ashley Caudill


  10. Thanks for “keeping it real” Valerie. Your blog has been an encouragement to me. Praying for you!


  11. Mama Joyanna says:

    Hello Valarie,

    I have completely enjoyed looking at your blog. I will have to follow it more closely. I just wanted to encourage you. Stay real! There are many who are watching and are being wooed by the Holy Spirit by watching you live your life for Christ. 🙂
    Satan wouldn't be putting up such opposition if it weren't the case.

    In Bible school I learned (through) experience and from a couple of wonderful long time ministers; “If a minister is loved by his congregation that is good, but if he is 'well liked/everyone's friend' he is too pleasing to man. Hard words but oh so true.

    This part of your post reminded me of my Nana's words. She was definately a woman who loved the Lord with all of her heart.

    You said** I read a while back that “Comparison is the death of contentment.” I'm learning more each day how true that statement is! I'm usually only sad or unhappy when I'm looking over the fence at someone else's lush lawn. (Which has weeds of its own, were I to examine it closely.) **

    My Nana would say ” The only reason their grass looks so lush and green is because from this side of the fence, you cannot experience the manure. The experience would not be the same on the other side. 😉

    God bless you and your family, I look forwards to 'keep reading'

    Hearts knit together through Him 🙂


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