I have been a tad bit overwhelmed. I picked a horrible time to begin learning a new website! But as I explained in a previous post, Tim stepped in as a cyber-hero and bailed me out. My husband and I are also planning a 24 hour trip to a couples retreat in Branson, Missouri, this Friday and Saturday. Our church Valentine Banquet is tomorrow night. My mom arrives tomorrow to babysit and yes, my house is a wreck. Our whole family is leaving on Monday, February 16, for a week long trip to visit family and for Terry to preach a conference. I have to pack for five of us for that. I have Super Church to prepare for…and did I mention homeschooling?? No? Well add that one on, too! I have been very frustrated. I have been very unhappy. Okay, let’s be real. I’ve been crabby! I’ve been snapping at my children, thinking negative thoughts, and yes, I’ve even stooped to whining. It hasn’t been pretty.I’ve been hearing my voice saying things like, “Have you finished that yet?” “Why not?” “That reason isn’t good enough!” I’m not yelling at them, but I’m very perturbed. My tone has been downright unpleasant. It’s almost as though I’m outside of myself hearing my voice and in total denial that it’s really me saying it. But it is.
I left the room for only a moment to go answer the telephone. I took a message for my husband and came back into the room only to see my daughter scurrying away from my computer desk and smiling. I scrunched up my nose and said “Are you finished? I need you to finish, I have A LOT to do today.” And, as those last words left my lips, I see that on the screen, where I had opened up a new, blank Word document (to write questions for my Super Church lesson) were the words: I love you mom. The cursor blinked at me beside the word mom. It might as well been a neon sign saying “SHE LOVES YOU, YOU IDIOT. AND YOU DON’T DESERVE IT”.
Conviction washed over me. I had been so busy with my agenda, my goals,my problems that I had gotten my priorities out of order. I have my devotions daily, but I’m afraid that lately my mind has been elsewhere. I have to adjust my focus. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do that. I apologized to her right away, and I will do the same to my other children, and my husband, when they return from an errand.
I wish I never got things out of order. I wish I could be calm and serene while the storms rage around me. I wish…I wish I were perfect. I thank the Lord, though, that He understands that I’m not perfect. He is ready to forgive me when I come to Him with a contrite heart. I’m sorry to tell you that I have to do that a lot.
My house may not be clean when I depart for the north on February 16. I may even forget someone’s socks. But I will be doing my best to show love, and enjoy the love, that is around me.
I’m so thankful the Lord taught me a lesson through my nine year old girl. I’m so thankful that He taught me in time for me to show true love to my family this Valentine’s Day.
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