With each loss, I have been hurt. It’s like a punch in the stomach. One particular family was pretty close to me. We went shopping, ate out together, and they were so kind and generous to us. It was devastating when they walked away, without even a goodbye. But that’s what it was…a goodbye, without the words. They are moving on, seemingly as if nothing happened, while I’m limping along, grieving. Every time I pass by restaurants or stores that we visited together, I feel a twinge of sadness. I miss them so much. Some of these folks I’m able to keep up with on Facebook, and each time I see their names, I think, “Boy I miss them!” I pray for them still and I keep up the hope that one day, they will return to our “home”. 


People leave churches for literally a multitude of reasons – relocation, health problems, unhappiness with the pastor and/or members, disagreement over doctrinal issues – and the list goes on and on. May I share a bit from my heart regarding leaving a church? I hope you never have to leave the church where you serve, but if you do, or if you’ve left one in the past, perhaps these will help you.


1. As a pastor’s wife, I promised myself I would never be responsible for my husband leaving a church. That means, I will never cause him trouble in his ministry. I hold my tongue, I watch my “step”, for I do not want to be burden to his ministry. Am I perfect? No. Can the people find fault with me? Oh yes! But I do my best to be a blessing, not a hindrance to his work. 


2. As a layman’s wife, you should only leave a church, because your husband feels that that is the thing to do. Dear friend, if you go home from church and gripe and complain about everything from the music to the way the carpet is vacuumed, then your critical spirit will more than likely make your husband feel you should leave that church. A man who loves his wife, wants her to be happy, and he will do anything for peace in the home.
Here are a few thoughts to ponder from Scripture:
1 Corinthians 14: 34-35 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.

Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. 
That one’s pretty clear! 😉


Acts 13:50 But the Jews stirred up the devout and honourable women, and the chief men of the city, and raised persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them out of their coasts. 
Notice, they stirred up the “devout and honourable women” Women (yes, I’m speaking of myself here!) are an easy way by which the devil can gain entrance into a church. The saying “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is so very true!


3. If you’ve left a church for the right reasons, then you certainly wouldn’t want to gossip about it. Gossip is wrong and even if what you are saying is the truth (as you know it) the chances of it getting twisted in translation are about 110%! 🙂 If you left for the wrong reasons, then of course you will need to justify your decision to your friends and family, so you will need to talk it up…but it’s still wrong. Proverbs 6:19 tells us that sowing “discord among the bretheren” is one of the seven sins that God hates! 


4. If you are in a church that has, for any reason, recently lost some families, be assured that your pastor is hurting about it. If they have moved, he misses them. If they are upset, he’s beating himself up wondering what he might have done differently.If they are lying or gossiping, he’s trying to be meek and fighting the urge to “right the wrongs”. Pray for him during the days that follow. Drop him a note of encouragement or do something special to let him know that you are still following him, as he follows God.


I know from experience that losing people is hard on the pastor, and hard on his wife. Doing God’s work is hard when those with whom you serve leave, or worse, start casting stones. It’s painful and so very hard to look up to the Lord, as Stephen did, and say “Father, forgive them.” It’s especially difficult when stray stones start peppering your innocent children.


I can also say from experience that God’s grace is beyond sufficient – it is abundant! He sends strength when ours is gone, He lifts us up and binds our wounds. He feeds us from His dear hand and embraces us in ways that we would never know were it not for our light affliction. He is so good! In all things, He is good!


Goodbyes are never easy, but with God as our helper, we will keep on going for His glory. He has everything under control.


With love,