Last Monday, I had a goal of giving out five Gospel tracts during the week. I thought this was achievable since I don’t get out and about much. I was excited and hopeful as I began working toward my goal. In fact, I gave out three of them the very day I started! By Wednesday, I had met the goal.

But, then I noticed something: Every time I opened up my Bible, my mind wondered. Some things had happened and I couldn’t stop thinking about those issues. I would have to read a chapter not once, not twice, but three times before I could keep my mind focused on the words. Then, there was my prayer life. Because it took me so long to read my Bible, the kids were all up before I had my prayer time! So, two days last week, I didn’t get to spend my normal time praying.

I felt out of balance and out of whack. “Why can’t I be a witness and be faithful in my Bible reading and prayer time?”

The answer? Because I’m human. I am frail. I can’t possibly do everything right. If you know me in real life, then you’re nodding in agreement at that last sentence.

I went along last week feeling discouraged and defeated. Wasn’t the Lord unhappy with me? I’d allowed petty problems to interfere with my walk with Him. When I seem to have faithful Bible and prayer time, I forget to witness or hand out Gospel tracts! Don’t I have a responsibility to share the Good News? Of course! Someone might die and go to Hell because of my unfaithfulness.

Then it hit me: It’s not up to me. Yes, God uses His people to share the Gospel message through preaching and personal witnessing, but their salvation is not up to me. I don’t have to be a perfect person for them to hear the Gospel. God uses us *despite* our faults and failings. He works through our weakness to bring others to Him. (1 Corinthians 1:21; 2 Corinthians 12:9)

And what about my failure at my devotions? Well, my own salvation is not dependent upon my perfect attendance for “quiet time”. Does it grieve me to miss it? Yes. But I was reminded that when God the Father looks at me, He already sees perfection! He sees Jesus’ righteousness, not Valerie’s. (Isaiah 61:10)

Of course I want to live according to the Scripture – I want to because the Lord has made me “want to”. But I can live in victory each day, even on those days when I mess up, because of Christ.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!


One thought on “It’s Not Up to Me

  1. Carolyn Courtney says:

    You gave words to my own struggles with my flesh and other enemies. What a merciful Savior I have!


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