grief

Survival and Self Pity

We have had several disappointments today and yesterday. I don’t want to bore you with all the details, and I don’t want to whine. God has been too good to me, even in the times of trial, for me to whine. But have you ever just felt like a good pity party? The daily grind gets old sometimes, and if there is any line of work that has very little to offer in tangible rewards, it would be motherhood. There’s no pay check, there’s no vacation, or sick leave, no bonuses. (unless getting a complete night’s sleep every week or so could be counted as a bonus…yes, that’s definitely a plus!) You can’t be “mother of the month” in your home, or be “salesmother” of the week. The tangible results don’t come until you see your child enter the world as a sane, well adjusted adult. Of course, the greatest result is that you see your child walk in the truths of God’s Word by fearing Him, and serving Him. While I know in my heart that my kids are growing up way too fast, I sometimes get weary in well doing and feel they will be dependant upon me forever.
Yes, I feel like a pity party, but I try to do all I can to refuse self-pity. This motto, “refuse self-pity”, was one I read in a small book about grief, a pamphlet really, written by Elisabeth Elliot. She was the missionary wife whose first husband, Jim Elliot, was martyred while trying to win the Auca Indians in Ecuador. Her second husband suffered with cancer and died. I read this book when my mother passed it on to me shortly after my Dad went to Heaven. Mom said she really needed that reminder to “refuse self-pity.” So did I! We all want to feel sorry for ourselves at some point or another. Some of us have good reason. Losing your husband or child to death, even if they are in Heaven, is a good reason for self-pity. After all, we miss them. Losing a job, or facing financial ruin, well, that’s a good reason, too. There are lots of “good reasons.” But, is it good for us to feel that way? Definitely not. No one wants to be around me when I’m that way, and I need people.

I want to thank the Lord for helping me to remember to “refuse self-pity”. It’s a choice, you know. We can choose not to feel this way; we can choose to look on the bright side. We have so many blessings. I won’t go into detail, but lately I’ve had some pretty big things go wrong for me. It’s been a bummer. Terry and I try not to complain to others, but we’re a work in progress. In trying this, we have a good verse to remind us to whom we should complain: Psalm 142:2 I poured out my complaint before him; I showed before him my trouble. This is what we try to do, we try to complain to Him, after all, He’s the only one who can do anything about our trials. So as these things began happening, I felt sorry for myself. I cried and decided to go “pour my complaint before him”. It didn’t take long for me to feel pretty stupid for telling God my troubles! As I began griping to Him, I realized just to Whom I was talking. I thought of what He did for me. I thought about Calvary, and how God gave up His only Son. I began remembering the day I was saved, the day that gift of His Son became personal. I began thinking of the wonderful Mom and Dad that He gave me. (Oh, how much they had to put up with from me!) And my wonderful husband and my four children. Then, I remembered my great church, and this house that is more than I deserve. I couldn’t stay at my own pity-party, because the truth is, I deserve even worse. I deserve Hell.

No, Lord, I can’t complain to You or anyone else. You’ve been way too good to me already. I think I’ll just say “Thank you.”

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3 thoughts on “Survival and Self Pity

  1. I look so forward to reading your blogs. You are so inspirational and ALWAYS uplifting. Man you hit this one right on the head. What Mom in her most insane moment hasn't just wanted to sit down and cry and say poor me. God knows I have, probably on a daily basis. :o) But You are so right in that God is so good to us, but yet we are so selfish and spoiled we actually think we deserve more. How sad we are. Thank You for bringing light and encouragement to my day. You are wise beyond your years and I am BLESSED beyond measure to call you my bestest friend.
    Love and Miss you TONS!
    Dixie

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  2. I agree – we are too blessed to be depressed, yet we sometimes get that way. The wonderful moral of that story is that God knows us so well, He knew that we would & sent us a sweet comforter in the Holy Spirit! Good for you for listening to Him!
    P.S. I have 2 teenagers, and as stressful as those days were (as a mother of young ones), I often miss their sweet physical dependence on me. Cherish those moments. *grin*

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