I might have sat in the recliner on a cold night in Kansas, or on the porch swing one humid night in Arkansas, and dreamed about having my own home. I hate to admit it, but when we lived in parsonages, I sometimes sighed when a layman had to enter “our” yard and go into “our” shed to get something for the church’s lawn care. At those times, I definitely wished for my own place!
In my wildest dreams, I pictured myself walking through different houses, peeking in closets and inspecting roofs. I had a little “home dream list”: a bay window, a fireplace, a kitchen that wasn’t in the main entrance of the home (it’s frustrating to cook knowing that a child could appear and get sloshed with boiling water or grease at any moment). I dreamed of a fenced back yard and some lush grass; of decorating my own front door at Christmas, remodeling a bathroom any way I wanted, and imagining what colors I’d paint each room. Then I awoke from those dreams. The Holy Spirit convicted my sinful heart of discontentment and covetousness. Was I not satisfied with the roof He had given me? Was I not happy to have ample room for our large family? Yes, I was, I really was, I’d say in my heart. I would have to seek His forgiveness, which He freely gave. After that surrender, contentment did come, and would stay as long as I counted my blessings, instead of looking over the fence at what someone else had.
You see, God has been so very good to me. I’m afraid I don’t say it enough. He has met every need I’ve ever had, on His time table, in His way – which is always the best. He has even given me many of my wants! Here is one example:
Last January, I noticed that my bedspread was ripping, right on the decorative part. I started to think, “How much money would I need for a new bedspread?” Then I thought, “How very selfish and spoiled you are! A bedspread is not important! If the Lord wants you to have a new bedspread, He will supply it.” I sighed a prayer to Heaven for a new bedspread, knowing that it wasn’t important and feeling that my request would not be answered (because I didn’t need it). The next day, my mother said, “Valerie, I’m getting rid of the bedding in the master bedroom, would you like to have it?” I think my mouth dropped open! I said, “Mother, just yesterday I prayed and asked the Lord for a new bedspread!” She had no idea, and we both got tears in our eyes. God met my want, and not in a week or a year, but right away. And that was one of the most faithless prayers I’ve ever prayed, I’m sorry to say! I have that bedspread now and I don’t know if I’ll ever part with it! Well, maybe I will when He gives me another one. 🙂 That is just one example of how God has met my wants.
For two years we felt the Lord was leading us to move from our church in Hope. We had grown very comfortable there and had so many good friends in the area, that moving was difficult to consider. Yet when the Lord opened HIS door, peace came and everything fell into place. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been a peaceful highway, through mountains and valleys, in calm and stormy weather, with the Lord directing our way.
And now, the Lord has done yet another amazing thing for me! He has allowed my “wildest dream” to come true. We purchased our first home today! Actually, Terry came over to our new town to find a place to rent, and ended up finding our dream home to own! I only saw it in photographs, but I knew I could trust the Lord and my husband to find the right fit for us, and they did! It has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a fenced yard, a fireplace and a lovely sun room! The kitchen is not the main entrance to the house, either! It has green grass and a few trees and even a beautiful Cardinal that comes by now and then!
As I look at the photo below, I think of that selfish, spoiled girl who has so many “wants”, and I’m ashamed. How could I want anything more than my Lord? I suppose that is just my flesh rising up at those times. I’m so thankful that the Lord “…knoweth [my] frame; he remembereth that [I am] dust.” (Psalm 103:14), and He blesses me in spite of who I am.
Sometimes, I still get lonely for the people and things I left behind. But when that happens, I once more feel the tugging of the Holy Spirit upon my heartstrings to quit looking around, and start looking up. When I look up, everything I’m missing becomes blurry, and His lovely face comes shining through.