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Blessed

Valerie Basham

August 1, 2011

I wanted to share the following video of my home pastor, Bro. Ken Graham, and his wonderful family. This family means so much to me, I can’t even really think of adequate words to write about them. And if Bro. Graham ever reads this, he won’t believe that I couldn’t think of something to say! I’ve always been a talker. A big talker. But, it’s true. How do I thank someone for over a decade of sermons, many of which changed my life by pointing me to Christ? How do I say thank you to someone for running a youth camp every summer where I met friends that would last a lifetime? How do I adequately thank a lady for being a godly example and accompanying me on the piano for scores of songs? There simply are no words. I’m truly grateful to have had them in my life. You see, I was such a strong young person, I needed lots of help in my growing up years.(And in my adult years, too!) The Grahams’ influence was a wonderful companion to my parents’ godly instruction and lifestyle. I just don’t understand one thing: why did they care about me? I suppose I’ll figure that one out in Heaven.

As I see these precious families displayed in the video below, my mind is filled with memories. I knew all them…well, the four oldest…very well. I remember when the seventh baby (who, um…is no longer a baby, I think she’s 19 now!) came to church for the first time! I remember watching them grow up and then I remember moving away. I moved with my husband and started my own life as a wife, mother and pastor’s wife myself. But part of my heart remains there with my friends, the lively music, the smiling faces and Bro. Graham’s strong – but loving – preaching.

The song in this video says, “I have been blessed” and yes, I know it’s talking about the Grahams. They have been blessed with the goodly heritage that David speaks of Psalm 16:6. My heart swells with joy to see my friends from church and school faithfully serving the Lord. I know Bro. & Mrs. Graham’s heart must nearly explode with joy! But I feel blessed also. I’m blessed to have known them; blessed to have the memories.

If you are viewing this post via email or a reader, please click HERE to watch video.

July 31

Valerie Basham

2 comments

July 31, 2011

It’s hard to believe that July 31st is here! The last day of July….summer is well underway now. The year is more than halfway over!

Two years ago, I wrote a Bible study for woman on Proverbs 31. I did a verse-by-verse study, taking 31 days to complete the chapter. I read one chapter of Proverbs everyday, to correspond with the date. So, today I read Proverbs 31. Reading it reminded me of my Bible Study. I also read other chapters from other portions of the Bible during my devotional time, but on very hectic days, days in which everything seems to be going wrong, I may only get to read my daily Proverbs chapter. There is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge in those 31 chapters.

If you are interested in the Bible study, please check it out HERE. You can print it out and go at your own pace. If you do one verse a day beginning tomorrow, you can be finished by August 31! It’s free – in fact, my entire blog is ad free! I just want everything here to be blessing. I do request is that you do not download anything simply to manipulate it to serve your own purpose. If you do re-post anything, please link back to me. Thanks for your understanding in this area. 🙂

Have a happy July 31st!

Thoughts on Youth Ministry

Valerie Basham

3 comments

July 30, 2011

Recently, my husband shared with me that 88% of teens who are actively involved in a youth group, stop attending church as adults.(*Statistic from Already Gone by Ken Ham and Britt Beemer)
This is all teens, even those who come to church with their parents. This is shocking to me!

I grew up in a wonderful church which had, and still has, an excellent youth ministry. But, I’m not in church today because of the youth group. I’m in church today because my parents taught me the Bible at home and, most importantly, they lived it. I have some great memories of trips and teen camp (where I met my hubby!), but those events didn’t change my life. The following is what affected me the most as a teen:

My parents provided a strong, secure and loving home life which reflected Christ daily.
I chose good friends whom I associated with on my own, not in youth group. My best friend never once tried to get me to do wrong.

If you have a church with a youth ministry, I’m not saying you should boycott such a thing. Nor am I saying that churches with youth groups are wicked – no way! I just wanted to share a few observations with you.

1. Youth ministry is often another avenue toward drama. Teens have enough of that in normal life. Often, teens use the youth group as a time to show off their newest dress, jeans, car, cell phone – whatever. This causes those without such things to feel inferior. That isn’t something the church should advocate. But, I can’t blame the teens! They are still more of a child than an adult, so they act like…well, children!

2. Youth group encourages boys and girls to pair up. A 13, or even a 16 year old, should not be concerned with having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Again, this pairing up leaves some girls and guys out in the cold. It causes drama. But, again, you can’t blame the teens! It’s a fact of life that boys will like girls and vice versa, this is normal. But, it doesn’t mean they should pair up. They are too immature for such a thing.

3. A youth group should be focused on ministry objectives, rather than just fun. A youth group should have a focus to help the poor, go out soul-winning, visit nursing homes, go on mission trips, hear good preaching, have a Bible study and so forth. If your youth group is only concerned about skiing in the Rockies or getting funds for a trip to the Bahamas…well, it’s probably got the wrong kind of focus.

4. Youth group sets up teens to believe that church will always be about the next fun thing. Guess what? Ministry and church isn’t always fun! Sometimes, you won’t feel like going. Sometimes, your flesh will be fighting you. It’s easy to fight the flesh when you know you’re going to get to see “her” or “him”. It’s easy to fight the flesh when you know you’ll get a free burger out of it. But, what if you aren’t getting any of that? What if you just get to hear the Word of God preached? Wait a minute! Hearing God’s Word preached is wonderful! Shouldn’t our children realize this?

Before you fire off the argumentative comments and emails, please hear me out. Please, don’t stop attending your youth group. I’m sure the leaders who run it have the intention of teaching your children to love God’s Word and His work. Don’t break their hearts by quitting. Just be aware of the above pitfalls. What can you do as a parent to help? Here are some ideas:

Assess your home life. Do you apply God’s Word to your life in front of your children? When you openly sin (such as speak harsh words,) do you apologize to your children? Be real. If they stay faithful to the Lord, Mom and Dad, it will be because of you.

Be involved in your child’s teen group, not to criticize it to the leaders, but to help. If you witnessed the way “Suzie Q” gave “Sarah Jane” the cold shoulder, you can discuss privately with your child why that was not the way to handle the situation. Perhaps you witness your child bullying someone or ignoring someone or showing off. If you see these traits, you can discuss with your child later why that behavior is wrong. (This would require an objective parent, however.)

Be sure your children are serving in their youth group.If they are in a Bible study program in youth group, be sure they are actively participating. Too many parents use youth ministry as a baby sitter. It’s the parents’ job to train the children – not the youth leader’s!

Don’t let your children “pair up” with the opposite sex. That’s not what youth group is about.

When teen drama occurs. point them to the proper response from God’s Word.

I’m not looking for a debate by sharing these thoughts. I’m just hoping to help someone. My daughter is entering the “youth group” this year (Well, we don’t have “group”, we just have a “few”), so I’m facing these challenges myself. My husband and I have discussed this at length and are preparing ourselves for the future. My prayer is that we see that 88% return to church.

Just Like My Dad

Valerie Basham

7 comments

July 29, 2011

Seven years ago today, my Dad went home. Not back to Illinois where he was born, or to Conway, Arkansas, where he grew up, but to Heaven, his true home. Recently, while talking to my husband about Dad, I said, “You know, I know someone who has actually seen Jesus’ face!” We both pondered that a moment. That’s much better than knowing someone who knows President Bush or some Hollywood movie star! I don’t hope he’s in Heaven, or think he’s in Heaven, I know it. I know it because I saw Jesus in him every day of my life. I’ve known many Christians who have died, but I didn’t know any of them as well as I knew that man. He lived the Bible. He admitted making mistakes. His prayers were genuine and heartfelt, never faltering or showy. I’ve also met many preachers in my life, and none of them, with all their Bible knowledge, have impressed upon me the truths of God’s Word the way my Dad did. Not one.

I’ve heard folks say that it gets easier as time goes by after the death of a loved one. To some degree, I guess it does. Obviously, my life developed a new rhythm. Some things I’ll never get used to, like never having Christmas at home with my parents, or the big blank side of my birthday card where Dad used to write loving words to me. Things like “I’m so proud of how you serve the Lord. God has given you so many talents, please use them for Him.” (Yes, like all good fathers, he, too, was biased.) It was good to know that I was making my Dad proud that I bore the name “Courtney”. It’s so very nice to know your parents aren’t ashamed of you.

Other things I have gotten used to. I’m used to going home and not seeing him. I don’t even expect it anymore, like I did at first. And I don’t think to myself, I should call Dad about this. like I did in the beginning, just to realize suddenly that I can’t call Dad. I don’t expect him to show up at my church, and I don’t expect to see him at his.

But, sometimes, as I walk home from church on a summer night, the tree frogs croaking in chorus, the soft wind rustling the trees above, the stars gazing down upon me, I miss him. The ache within my soul is hard to describe. Sometimes, as I watch our birds feeding outside, I suddenly think of how he loved birds and I miss him terribly. We recently sang the song “There Is Power in the Blood” on a Sunday night. I remembered how he’d sing the chorus a bit differently than most. The chorus begins, “There is pow’r, pow’r, wondering working pow’r…” But Dad sang “There is pow’r, pow’r, pow’r, pow’r, wonder working power…” He added in two extra “pow’r’s”, back to back, and he sang it with gusto! As I sang it in church last Sunday, I added in the extra pow’r’s, in his memory. And I missed him.

I’m thankful for God’s sustaining grace during the ups and downs of the last 7 years. My life changed forever on this date in 2004. I will never be the same. Yes, God’s grace is sufficient, but grace doesn’t remove the sorrow. It enables you to function in spite of it.

I counted up that Dad’s been in Heaven for 7 years. That’s 84 months, 364 weeks, 2,555 days. I don’t know how many years, months, weeks or days until Christ returns, but I’m watching for it! I’m looking forward to the day when He calls me (or all saints) home. On that day I’ll get to meet my Savior face to face, just like my Dad.

In Memory of Ron E. Courtney

He Dried My Tears

Valerie Basham

6 comments

July 27, 2011

He leaned against the counter in the kitchen, arms folded casually, looking at me with compassion.
“You don’t have to keep homeschooling. If it’s too much, we’ll think of something else.” He said to me, hoping to stop the breaking of my heart.

I stood across from him in the kitchen, sobbing. It was all too much. Homeschooling, being watched all the time, having my children watched all the time…I was having a “good cry” as they say.
He reached out and pulled me close. I could smell the cologne on his shirt. He held my face in his hands, my tears spilling across his fingers. He didn’t care, he just wanted me to be okay.

“I’m sorry for crying.” I said, sniffing. “I’ve just had a bad day. I know it sounds crazy, I mean, I am tired of homeschooling today, but, I can’t just stop. Please…(sobbing)… don’t make me.” I said , with more tears flowing.

“I’m not making you,” he said to me with tender eyes. “I just want you to be okay. I don’t like seeing you cry.”
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, and went to blow my nose. I felt better. I could get up and keep going. Why? Because he cared. He listened. He wanted to help me, even if it meant changing everything. He would do that for me. For me. I didn’t deserve such love, such sacrifice, and yet, he gave it.

This scenario played out years ago in our kitchen. It has played out other times since then with slightly different circumstances. Perhaps I’m sad because I miss my Dad. Maybe I’m worried about finances, or people liking me. Maybe a “friend” or family member has said words that cut me to the quick. Whenever my soul feels as though it has butterflies – not fluttering, but ripping me in half – he is there; my husband, my soul mate. He dries my tears. He embraces me with strong arms. He prays with me. His eyes look into mine, but they see more than just tears flowing, they see inside of me.

“I’m here.” He says. “I know you miss your Dad. He was an amazing Christian and one of my closest friends. I miss him, too.”

“It’s okay, you can make it. We can make it.” He says another time.

“Don’t worry, the money will be there.” Yet another.

“You’re so strong. You are handling things beautifully.” He says to me tenderly. But, I know the truth. I know I’m not strong. I know I don’t always handle things “beautifully.” But somehow, after he says this to me, I get stronger. I become better. I can keep going, all because he took the time to dry my tears, to hold my broken heart gently in his hands, to listen, to love.

Just to Clarify

Valerie Basham

7 comments

July 26, 2011

I apologize for seeming to put a negative spin on the ministry in my previous post. I was uncomfortable with some of the remarks I was getting, so I have deleted it. (Just can’t handle the stress right now.) I was merely trying to share my heart, and therefore my struggles, with others in order to be a blessing. Be it known that I’m not quitting, I’m not thinking that I bear my burdens alone, nor do I think I’m having a harder time than anyone else. I was trying to encourage others and myself to keep going. It must have sounded whiny and for that I am truly sorry. I hate whining!

Truth is, the life of any Christian (pastor or layman) trying to live according to God’s Word is hard. Satan attacks those who are openly against him. Last time I checked, attacks are not fun. The Refiner’s fire, while exceedingly productive, is also exceedingly painful. I’m not afraid to admit that yes, I feel pain.

Thanks to all of you for praying and for caring. To those who misunderstood my last post, I apologize. Please don’t give up on me yet.

Two Little Things

Valerie Basham

11 comments

July 23, 2011

I haven’t posted in several days. I’ve been…[sigh]…just thinking, I guess. I try to keep things real here on the blog, but at the same time, it’s difficult to share my heart only to be rebuffed in the comments section by those who are “holier than thou”. Rather than face the criticism disguised as encouragement, I’ve just been silent. And sometimes, that is the best thing. God’s Word tells us that “in a multitude of words, there wanteth not sin.” (Proverbs 10:19) And, it’s a good thing that I kept silent. As I’ve meditated on things, prayed, studied and meditated some more, I’ve found the encouragement I needed. Have I “arrived”? No. Am I still struggling? A bit. Yes. But is there hope? Most definitely.

The last several days I’ve been considering the role of the pastor’s wife, since I am one and all. I’m sure there are a multitude of pastor’s wives out there that have been at it longer, who are more talented, smarter, and perhaps even a few who resemble Mary Poppins – “Practically perfect in every way.” I am not that kind of woman. I’ve heard people say, “I’m just weary in well doing.” But, I think I’m just weary in doing…I don’t know if I’m actually doing “well” or not. I feel it would be prideful to say I’m doing well. Only God can bless these feeble hands, this lisping tongue and this addled mind to make something wonderful come from any of my efforts.

During this time that I’ve felt down and out, used up and put up, I remembered what Bro. Bobby Roberson told my husband and me in a conversation over a year ago. He said that young pastor’s wives often talk to his wife when they’re feeling upset and discouraged by the ministry. Her advice? “Go home and make your children some lunch.” Her point? Only be concerned over that which you have the power to change. I cannot pastor the church, nor should I want to. I cannot carry everyone’s burden around on my back; I must leave those burdens at the feet of Jesus in prayer and move on, doing what I can, where I am.

So, I’m working on this. When Satan comes to me and says “You two are doing a horrible job leading and helping God’s people. Why don’t you tell your husband to go out and get a real job, where at least one person might like him?” First of all, I know at least one person out there likes him, so that’s a lie from the Devil. Then I pray, “Lord, it’s not within our power to change hearts or minds. Please help my husband as he carries this tremendous load.” Then, I think about reading to my children.I get a book and I read to them. I move on. I get busy.

I read a while back that “Comparison is the death of contentment.” I’m learning more each day how true that statement is! I’m usually only sad or unhappy when I’m looking over the fence at someone else’s lush lawn. (Which has weeds of its own, were I to examine it closely.) However, when I focus on my life, and my many blessings, I can’t help but feel unworthy and very contented.

The keys for me seem to be thus:
1. Stay busy.
2. Don’t compare.

Of course, Bible reading, prayer and church attendance go without saying. But when I can’t read the Bible or attend church, (I can always pray) I use these other tools during the day when my mind can easily wonder to discouraging thoughts.

If I can faithfully do these two little things, I can keep going, even when I’m weary. I can go for as long as the Lord leaves me here if I will stay busy and not compare.

As I read back over what I’ve just written, it seems so easy. But it’s a daily struggle, to keep doing these two little things.

With love,

I’m a Homeschool Grad!

Valerie Basham

4 comments

July 19, 2011

It’s true! You may not have been aware that I am, in fact, a homeschool grad! I am so honored to be featured at Whatever State I Am, a blog hosted by LeaAnn Garfias, this week! She does a series called “Ask the Grad”, and I qualify! My story is a bit unusual, so please check it out!

If you are finding your way here because you’ve already been there, then allow me to say welcome and thank you so much for dropping by! My life is an open book…er blog. I write about whatever comes to mind at any given time. I love homeschooling, being a wife and mother, reading my Bible, cooking easy meals (Got that? I said “easy”.), and organization. Thanks again to each of you, new or familiar. for being here. I hope you’ll stay a while and come back again soon. 🙂

My Baby is One

Valerie Basham

5 comments

July 14, 2011

Our sweet baby boy, Matthew Ron, turned one year old today! He has been such a joy to our family. I admit that adding a new baby into our lives after 3 1/2 years of no baby was not easy. I had forgotten how tired a new mom could get, how hard nursing was, how loud a baby’s cry could be. I had also forgotten how quickly they go from rolling over, to sitting, to crawling, to walking, to running! It won’t be long before he’s celebrating his second birthday! It seems time just speeds up more each day.

One year ago today…

Today…

Here are a few photos of our little family birthday party we had for Matthew.

I made animal face cupcakes. They are supposed to be a frog (green), a lion (orange), a sheep (white) and a bear (yellow), but they didn’t all turn out quite like I wanted them too. Oh well. They tasted good! 🙂

Singing “Happy Birthday” to our big one year old!

He was quite bewildered about the whole thing!

(I just love his expression here!)

He blew out the candle! (With a little help from Mom!)

His first bite of cake! He was a very neat eater, probably the neatest we’ve had so far!

This is as messy as he got. Not bad!

We were so happy that my Mom could make it for his party. We have all had a very busy summer.

He got a pop up toy from Mom and Dad! I love those things. lol!

I also splurged and bought him a bath toy! Woohoo! 🙂

AND…some new jammies! He’s growing like a…baby…so I had to get him 18 months size pj’s.

I thought they were adorable!

We are so grateful to have had this precious boy in our lives for a year. As the cliche` goes, time flies, and it does. Time doesn’t just fly, however, when you’re having fun. It flies when you’re tired, when you’re ready to quit, when you’re broke, when you’re sad, when you’re suffering from illness…it flies always. This has been a very hard year in many ways for me. I’ve struggled with horrible PPD, financial struggles, illness, loss of friends and many other heartaches. Yet, time didn’t stop. My babies grew. I decided to enjoy each moment, even in the midst of pain or sorrow. So, we made memories, we laughed, we loved. We seized the time that we had, even if circumstances weren’t ideal. We made the best of use of our time, and I have no regrets.

For Matthew to read someday:

Happy birthday, Matthew. I love you very much. We had quite a scare this year when you swallowed that clothespin spring. I’m so grateful that God spared you. I am praying that you give your heart and life to the Lord and always do what He wants you to do.

Love always,

Mom

Fulfilling His Command

Valerie Basham

2 comments

July 9, 2011

Today was our church’s organized time to go out together and invite folks to church and tell them about Jesus. My mother graciously agreed to drive down and watch out two youngest kids so that I could go out and talk to folks with my husband and three older children. I grabbed my black leather New Testament and a handful of tracts with glee! It’s been too long since I’ve had the chance to go out and invite people to church. I really love talking to people!

There was a heat advisory today. It’s about 100 degrees right now, but the heat index is much higher. As I stood chatting with a lady, I felt a tickle on the back of my leg, like a hair or a string. When I went to brush it away, I noticed it was sweat dripping down the back of my legs! I was standing the shade at that time, too! It was worth it though, to get to visit with so many sweet people.

Later, as I stood beside my husband while he gave the Gospel to an African-American man, right across the street from the elementary school that President Bill Clinton attended, I felt in awe. I was in awe that Bill Clinton used to run around that playground. I’m sure that back then people didn’t think that anyone from our tiny town would ever be president! Yet, he did it. Likewise, there are days when the church house is rather empty, the spirit is down and it feels like we are accomplishing very little for our Lord. But today, I relished the moment as I stood outside in the 100 plus degree weather, the sun kissing my cheeks, the Lord sending His breeze to cool us, the cicadas singing an encouraging song from the trees. I knew this thankless, un-glorious task, was far greater than anything Bill Clinton has ever done. Yes, anything. Nothing, my friend, is more important than telling folks about Jesus. He’s the One who paid for our sins, He’s the One who teaches us how to live through the pages of His Word. He is God.

I’m sure that on a hot day like today, people were visiting State Parks, shopping, visiting an amusement park or out on the lake. If they were asked to go out today and invite people to church, they would say “But it’s too hot!” Well, it’s not too hot for doing those other things, because that’s what we want to do, it’s just too hot for what we don’t want to do.

Think of it this way, spending time at the lake with your family is fun for a day. The memories will last a few months at best. Spending a day with your family telling others about the One who died for you, will last for eternity.

Perhaps we should all change our “want to”? Souls are dying without Christ, and we have only one life to give to make a difference. It’s a sobering thought. We are not commanded to “save” people, we are only commanded to “go”. (Matthew 28:19)

And we can all go, somewhere.